Magic Poison

Alcohol is magical. I understand why people call it liquid courage. It gives me the motivation to strike up conversation with anybody. I understand why people say it lowers your inhibitions. I feel free from fear of embarrassment or awkwardness and the barrier between me and the world disintegrates. It almost feels meditative - living in the moment instead of thinking about the past and future.

I do believe that it's possible for me to reach and even surpass those levels of bold charisma while sober, but I think it will take practice and consistent effort and quite frankly, I'm not investing what is required to reach those levels. Alcohol is just a very effective shortcut to charisma, with extremely dangerous side effects.

Just like any other skill, when you outsource charisma, it degrades over time. Like how psychedelics can act as a shortcut to spirituality, yet leave you dependent on them as your one access point to a spiritually ascended state, alcohol for years elevated my social skills until I became truly dependent. It became an idol for more than just my social landscape too, it truly directed my lifecycle in even the most basic of senses - my sleep and diet were impacted, my rest and recovery, my ability and opportunities to have sex, and so on.

I've yet to find and understand the source of the magic, but I continue to seek it out and I look back fondly on the days when I had the magic wand. I hope that through continued sober socialization I can become again the charismatic, socially adventurous, friendly, actively outgoing version of myself in an integrated and holistic way.